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Ten years ago, I woke up to a text from my niece telling me that my sister had died. This was not completely unexpected — she’d been fighting breast cancer for over a year — but we all thought she had more time. We thought we had more time. But just like that, she was gone.
There were times on long stretches of dirt roads that the closest riders were half a mile in front of or behind me. And THOSE are the moments when you really have to dig deep to keep pushing. I’d tell myself that I can go faster, so I’d push a little harder. I’d remind myself that if I was riding with Jeremy — who rides faster than me so I just lock in and try to keep up — we’d be going faster.
Tomorrow’s my 51st birthday, so as the final day of my 50th year, I thought I’d do a recap of some B-I-G goals I made for myself. I must admit, when I first made this list, I truly thought I’d do every single thing. After all, they’re all things I want to do, so it seemed simple.
Eve and Gen Ellaway turn a year old today! The idea for Eve’s story first came to me over TEN years ago, but I didn’t start writing it until the end of 2018, and finally published in 2025. This book was definitely a long time coming!
With everything going on in the world, why am I telling you about a toy goat? Because it makes me laugh. Because during those two seconds my goat is screaming, I’m not thinking about abused children or losing voting rights or people being kidnapped off our city streets.
The goat screams for all of us.
It’s that time of year again, when people set unrealistic goals that seem great while in a cheese-and-chocolate-induced haze, but suddenly feel impossible when it’s time to throw away all the sugar in the pantry or wake up at 5:30am to hit the gym before work.
While I don’t set resolutions, I do set goals throughout the year.
This is a positive story, I promise.
I’ve never been one to shy away from trying new things. Physical, mental, intellectual — very few experiences things fall into my “No” category.* So last summer when a neighbor invited me to sign up for a bike race hosted by her mountain biking group, it didn’t take much to convince me.
Little did I know at the time how much that race would change my life.
When a book is no longer carried in libraries or bookstores, people can’t read it. They can’t buy it. And the eventually publishers choose not to buy more books from that author. In order to maintain a career as a writer, these authors are forced to self-censor, to choose “less offensive” topics. To erase diversity from their books.
My brother died eight years ago, putting an end to a three-year roller coaster through hell that still doesn’t feel real. The shock of losing more than half of my immediate family fought with the relief that they were no longer suffering. That WE were no longer suffering. Because for three years my mom and I were trapped in cancer whiplash, unable to truly grieve my dad, then my sister, because there were more treatments, more scans, more prayers.
And then there wasn’t.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve had plenty of times in your life when you were faced with a decision and your gut screamed one thing while your logical ol’ brain insisted on another. Maybe you listened to that feeling in the pit of your stomach, or maybe you did whatever your brain insisted was the rational choice. Or maybe the universe aligned and there was a big neon arrow blinking “THIS IS THE WAY” so you shrugged and figured okay sure I’ll listen to my gut this time.